Friday, January 26, 2007

a leche league traitor

A few weeks ago, I quietly turned 30. To celebrate, Nate and I had planned a fun night out for two that became a night out for three. I wrote about it here. It was to be our first night away since Claire's birthday in April. My mom was set to watch her. Things happened. Horrible, horrible flu bugs happened. It was not ideal. So, some weeks later, we are trying again. We are going away. This time it is a work-related trip but it is still a night in a hotel, with a bed I don't have to make and no 6 AM meal call where I (literally) provide the meal. I almost chickened out. I came up with excuses. She is nursing. She has been fussy at night. She needs me...Cuddling with my girl this afternoon I told her I'd miss her. She looked at me like she had no idea what was going on, but could she please have some more of that delicious milk inside my shirt?

Speaking of that delicious milk, our freezer is in somewhat limited supply and I made the decision to purchase some formula for the time that we are gone "just in case." Claire is a champion nurser, and since I am home with her she has only ever had breastmilk "from the source" or frozen. I have been throughly indoctrinated by the breastfeeding police and I really, really believe that nursing is the best thing I can do for Claire. However, pumping myself silly over the last few weeks while operating on little sleep, still feeding my ravenous girl and getting over the flu myself was not the best thing I could do for me. So, I went to Target. Threw a box of formula into my cart. And teared up a little. The I came home to feed Claire some pureed mixed vegetables. How can I leave this face?

We will be gone less than 48 hours, but already I am sweating. I am confident that Claire will be fine, it's her mother I'm worried about.


rae ann said...

oh, don't worry too much K! i know that's much easier said than done. we didn't leave stella until she was 15 months old and it was terrifying. i knew in my heart that she would be okay, but i still spent the trip batting away the "what ifs?"

it sounds like the formula was a good decision. it's good to have a back up stash... just in case. if she takes a bottle (or two or three), she'll still be a super healthy and super strong little girl. and it sounds like you're a much saner mama.

momaof4 said...

Enjoy your time away Kari. It is so important for mommy and daddy time. We do it once a year. I am always ready to go...but give me a few hours and I miss them terribly. But it makes me a better Mom...maybe you too (though you are awesome already!!!)
Can't wait to hear how it all goes!