a small, true thing.

Sometimes Claire's feet and hands get going faster than her body can keep up. She gets focused on her destination and takes a tumble. This afternoon, she had a small face-collision while crawling toward the front door of our house. She sat up and whimpered, but didn't full-on cry. As she was pulling herself up to a seated position, I stood to comfort her. She didn't see me move, and when she looked to where I had been sitting, I was gone. Then, the tears started. The faceplant was a small thing compared to a missing mama. She held on to me fiercely, and cried fat tears. For one tiny person, I am comfort and safety and home. It's a weighty thing.

A year into motherhood and I'm still learning this. Today I read a great post by a newish mom that just fit what's been on my mind lately. Here's part of it: "Little adventures that used to be easy, like going to Glide for example, seem so complicated now. I'm not complaining when I share this. Please don't get me wrong. I very much WANT to be here. I'm simply noticing that on so many levels, my life is new. I am still transitioning and trying to figure out what I can keep from that old life, what is worth fighting for and what I can let go of and embrace about what is happening now.

I've been in a funny kind of isolation....Motherhood is new and I still feel like a brand new pony with it. All legs and wobbles and no grace."



Amen to that. This graceless pony thanks you for your kind comments and that you keep coming back here. I'm still trying to decide on a new blog title and appreciate your suggestions. Feel free to keep 'em coming.

name that blog.

For a while now, I've been uncomfortable with the title of this blog. It didn't seem like such a big deal when my mom was the only person reading this, but once in a while I'd like to participate in a contest or a crazy insanity-making month of blogging, and remain a little more anonymous. Also, Claire is getting less and less tiny by the second.

A favorite pastime in this house is checking out a certain web domain site that shows you web names that are available and gives similar alternatives if the name that you're interested in is taken. For two people who are operating on a massive sleep deficit, Nate and I have spent a ridiculous amount of time on this website checking the availability of goofy names that would make any junior higher giggle.

Despite hours searching the depths of godaddy, we have yet to come up with a suitable name for this blog.

Friends, I need your help. Please, help me name this blog. Leave a comment with your suggestion, even if it's just a rough idea. Of course, I will offer a prize to the winning submission (What would you like? Another barette? Some delicious chai cookies? Volkswagen parts?).

Thank you, from the bottom of my verytiny heart.

Who are you calling tiny?

monday quote.

Dear Baby,
I hope someday someone wants to hold you for twenty minutes straight. All they do is wrap you up in their arms without an ounce of selfishness to it.

...Jenna Hunterson, Waitress

Please go see this movie. It's quirky and sweet and different. But don't take your kids. It's not their kind of movie. Here's my baby, who is so busy, she rarely lets me hold her for twenty minutes straight anymore, but sometimes she still does. And it's wonderful.

13.

Dear Claire,
We're still recovering from our weekend in Denver, and I am still a little amazed at how well you did on very little sleep. We tried to stick to your usual nap routine, but a 2 PM nap proved impossible when we had a 2 PM wedding to attend. You survived multiple delayed flights, multiple in-flight meals and multiple missed naps. At one point on our trip, I ate the most lovely tuna sandwich of my life while sitting on the bathroom floor, so that you could get a nap in our hotel room. It didn't even seem weird.

You even survived sleeping in the same room as your mama and dad, which is not easy. Each night, you made it clear that you weren't thrilled with the arrangement. We'd lie very still and you'd launch items in our direction: teddy, a binkie, whatever you had on hand. On our last night in Denver, we lulled you to sleep, covered your crib with a blanket and watched very, very quiet cable TV while eating a wonderful room service meal. The evening was so different than how it might have gone a few years ago. We had to whisper, so as to not disturb you. We watched shows with the captions on and stifled laughter.

I can tell you with certainty, that the trip wouldn't have been half as fun without you, Clairegirl. Your enthusiastic, full-body waves at the flight attendants, your cuddles in the morning, your willingness to sacrifice teddy for your parents' attention. I have traveled lots of places in my life with lots of people, and there's no one quite like you.

Love,
Mama

denver nuggets, for the oma.

Claire's very first ice cream cone
And with adorable Aiden Arthur.


Mom, I know that checking this blog is the highlight of your day. My gift to you is two photos of our trip to Denver. Blogger wouldn't cooperate with me beyond these first two shots, so I'll have to try and add more later and tell you all about our adventures.

rookie mistake.

Before feeding your baby a blueberry smoothie, a wise parent removes adorable pink jumper. Just thought you should know.

intentions.

I had every intention of posting a play-by-play of my day with the boys, but it ended up being (mostly) uneventful. They were boys. They played at the park and in our little pool. They didn't want lunch. Or to wear pants. They really loved our dog. They wanted to know whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy?????....They really loved push pops.


And they weren't the only ones.

Because Nate doesn't like the above picture, I give you this, much cleaner, less creepy and cropped shot of the girl.
Stylish accessories provided by Auntie Tiff.

the mark of a mother*

There are so many things that I have gained with motherhood. An ability to function on minimal sleep, a set of silvery stretchmarks, a serious caffeine addiction. But these aren't really the marks of motherhood.

Throughout my pregnancy, I knew that I would love Claire, I mean, I really hoped that I would. But, like her? That's the part that scared me. How could I have known how much I was going to enjoy this little person? Watching her on the swings. Saying "dadadadada" and "was dat?" while pointing at everything in sight. Watching her change. Watching her interact with other kids. Watching her sit and crawl and stand and step. Watching her.
Discovering her strength. And mine. Being un-freaking-believably tired and still meeting her big needs. And doing it all again and again and again.

*The Parent Blogger Network and Light Iris posted this prompt, and offered a prize, so I had to join in, just a few hours shy of the deadline.

trial run.

I've always said I wanted to have three kids. Today, I get my chance to try. The delicate balance of testosterone in this house has shifted. We're watching 2 boys for a friend. Claire is loving it. She fought me hard at naptime this morning, not wanting to miss out on the fun with the big kids, but mama prevailed. We got Carson off to preschool, a big-fat caffeine injection for me on the way home and plan to get outside as much as possible this afternoon. Already, I can tell see some subtle differences between two big boys and one tiny girl (at one point, there was a pair of ninja turtle undies on my living room floor). It should be fun. I'll post highlights of our adventures tomorrow.

why i blog.

On Tuesday, while making a goon of myself trying to help make coffee for a group of moms, I had a conversation with a woman that I've only spoken with a few times (hi, Ona). She mentioned that she reads my blog. She even mentioned checking back to see if I had written a birthday letter to Claire last month. Seriously, this was maybe the highlight of my dorktastic week. I never anticipated that someone who doesn't really know us would have any interest in what I write here. I ran across this quote from The Mother's Almanac, which for me, puts into words why I blog.

“You need to accomplish a little bit every day-something that can’t be undone by another wash, another meal, another day of dust. A day in which nothing new is learned or nothing permanent is done is a day wasted as far as your psyche is concerned, for none of us ever stops growing.”


You also need to dress your child in costume as much as possible and create tiny faux hawks. It feeds the soul, my friends.

on overflowing cups.

Monday nights Nate and Claire hang out together. Last night when I left the house, she was squealing with delight as Nate chased her around the couch on all fours. My heart felt so full it wanted to burst. It's just amazing to watch these two together. Here is more evidence of the genetic predisposition to photographic awesomeness.

Looking good, guys. One of the scariest sentences that anyone can say to me is, "Do you know what you said in your sleep last night?" I have always been someone who talks and walks in my sleep. Sometimes my nocturnal confessions have been more than a little embarrassing. Thankfully, last night I was singing my girl's praises, even in my sleep. This is what Nate overheard:

"I love hanging out with you everyday. Claire, you're super fun."

I do. And she really, really is.