Monday, October 08, 2007

planned parenthood.

As I have documented all over this blog, becoming a mommy was not in my plans when I became pregnant with Claire. My pregnancy was filled with tears, confusion and guilt. It is still a marvel to me that I was such a Fertile Myrtle when wonderful women, who were better equipped to handle motherhood were working hard to have babies without conceiving. For me, the guilt and confusion eventually faded and I can honestly say I wouldn't change one bit of my life.

We got a night away this weekend, in which we enjoyed some fancy cable television, sleeping in (to 8:30) and 24 hours where I wasn't responsible for anyone's poop but my own. On the way home, Nate casually mentions that maybe it's time to start "trying" for the next baby. For me, this is such a loaded word. I remember, two years ago waiting until week 20 to tell people about Claire. I remember fumbling for my words when people asked me if we were "trying" to get pregnant. I had plans. I wasn't prepared. I felt ashamed.
How often do we miss out on joy because we're trying to plan everything to happen at the exact right moment? And there is One who knows better than we do.

Claire was not unplanned. Not at all.

9 comments:

Leslie said...

I know what you mean. I have 4, yes 4 children that were not in my plans, but definitely in God's plan. I wouldn't trade my life for the world.

So does this mean you are now officially trying?

just another A3 girl said...

I love that you talked about Poop! in your blog! As a Miller, it's only natural that I would though, right?! I also loved what you wrote about planning and not planning and ultimatly God's plans. Looking forward to tomorrow! and hopefully joining, the "not planning-planners" club if you know what I mean!

Joshua & Valerie said...

I didn't know you waited so long to tell people you were pregnant!! WOW! Kari, from what I've seen, you are such a wonderful mom! Beautiful Claire was planned, just as you pointed out. I'm so glad (and so is Makayla!) that she was planned by our Lord!

So cool to get away!! :)

Glory Laine said...

You're a blessed woman to have a husband who wants to have more babies with you. You're a WONDERFUL mother and Claire is a delightful daughter. Planned indeed.

her mama said...

Leslie...not yet, but soon. It seriously feels so weird to think that people actually "try."

Valerie...everybody just thought I was getting really really fat :)

Anonymous said...

God does have his own ideas (and boy do I know it)......I wish you the best of luck when you begin your journey of 'unplanned planning'!

Kristin & Brayden

Alida said...

I'm glad you answered Leslie question, because as much as I enjoyed your post and agree with the whole planning/not planning thing, I was beginning to think you were avoiding the subject!

I had a plan to be a mom at about 22. Ha! God knew better. I still think I'm not mature enough to be raising kids.

ang said...

For some of us, considering trying is green light enough. Be careful. :)

Holly said...

Did Scoobs tell you I actually fell over when she told me you were pregnant? Yep. But I was thrilled for you and I'm really thrilled at how happy you have been as a mom. It certainly does seem meant to be. I can't wait to meet the little person who knocked me off my feet once.