Wednesday, May 20, 2009

hope in a jar.

Why do most of the women I know who stay at home with kids struggle with depression at least some of the time? Were our moms depressed too? Our grandmas? Did they have the luxury to think about such things when there were meals to make and diapers to wash? What if there were no Prozac?

After Claire was born it took me months to regain my footing. I cried. A lot. What pulled me out then was trips to the gym.

This time I was prepared. I talked with my midwives about the possibility of post-partum depression. I had a plan. I had a fancypants double stroller. It wasn't going to happen again. Only it did.

Exercise is great, but when you're exhausted, it's not particularly helpful advice. Also the logistics of lugging 2 kids to the gym alone seemed impossible. I saw a naturopath. I started taking a tincture. I started drinking a tea. In no time, I started wanting to get some exercise. I feel more like myself than I have in months.

I don't want to be the girl that needs my herbs to feel fine, but it seems that I am that girl. I have written about my nethers, I've posted photos of my pregnant self and this is the post that I didn't want to write. A small part of me wondered about a time when I am no longer at home with kids. What if those imaginary future people that I want to impress google me and find that in the spring of 2009, I saw a naturopath for depression?

But I feel so much better that I just can't keep quiet. I find myself turning into a herb-pushing hippie. At the playground the other day, my kid is one the who picks up a handful of barkchips and says, "Here's your herbs, Mama."

If I start to make my own deodorant, you have my permission to punch me in the face.


cmhd said...

Maybe I've learned 1 thing in the past 2 is "don't apologize for what works for you & your family." Anyone who tells you otherwise can suck it. And for the record, I like you happy or cranky. :)

Alida said...

I know a woman who raised four boys in the 50's. She was a stay at home mom. One day I commented, "I don't know how you did it, two is sometimes too much for me." She was in her 80's by this time and very matter-of-factly said, "Oh, sweetie we were all on speed."


"Yes" she said, "we complained to the doctors that we were exhausted and very sad and of course they just prescribed amphetamines."(sp)

she went on...

"of course, none of knew, you know that they were drugs, we just thought it was medicine(then wistfully) oh I had such energy."

Now I'm not saying everyone in the 50's was on speed, but you know at some point people need help. I myself love herbal stuff. There is this PMS tea that Sergio gets for me regularly...:)

rae ann said...

alida... that's awesome! it's so good to know that every generation has had their coping tools and that we're no different.

i have to ask, which herbs did the natro put you on?

goddesskms said...

So now I have to know...what's in the jar? I may need to get myself some!

momaof4 said...

Oh! I am sorry, but I am so glad you are feeling better!!! :)

My Mom raised 4, and I was the youngest. My sister remembers haveing to clean the house and take care of me after I was born, becuase my Mom was depressed. She will never tell you that though, but My sister clearly remembers.

Dim and Jana said...

I just have to comment. I am Rae's cousin that won the barrette in the Oma contest...
I can totally relate to this post. Didn't think I'd ever feel this way, didn't want to feel this way. I too want to know what is in your jar??? Please...
AND... if you tell us what is in the jar I'll send you my recipe for homemade deodorant (honestly)! :)

Anonymous said...

Depression is REAl!! For all moms it is looming and wants to take control. The working mom gets it too. Sometimes it is worse because of the guilt for leaving her children to provide for them. Sometimes working helps the depression lesson. Learning what works for you is awesome. I am so glad you are feeling better. As one poster said,"Don't apologize for what works for you & your family." Kari, You are one fine woman. A great wife and mother. We learn so much because of your courage to share. Thank you, Mom Curtis

Anonymous said...

Kar--- Love ya Girl! You are so real and encourage us all! Thanks for sharing and if you ever want to take a walkie.... you know where to find me! Love ya!

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