better than flowers.

Today Nate brought these home. Well played, husband.

more from the beach.

When you've spent most of your summer under the weather a few clouds aren't going to keep you from rocking a swim suit. Even at the Oregon Coast.

nater.

Did you know that when we were dating Nate and I tried to break up with each other?

We were set in our ways. We were crazy about each other, but a little freaked out about the prospect of forever.

One night I had this dream about a small, white-haired boy learning to walk. The hands stretched out to catch him were calloused. The tattoo was even there. I knew that this was the person I wanted to be my kids' Dada. I chose well.
I know my kids agree.

my mister.

You said your name for the first time today. You put on a silly hat and mardi gras beads, looked in the mirror and said, "Wy Wy".

"That's not Wyatt, honey. That's you."
And then, a shy smile, "Evie."

23. fit into the wedding dress again. done.

You know that cliche' about marrying your best friend? It's totally true. One of the best arguments for marrying your best friend is that when you're 33, have had two babies and decide at 11:00 PM that you want to see if your wedding dress fits you have someone to make you "suck it in" while he attempts to zip it up for you. You also have someone who will tell you you're beautiful, even though you can't breathe and will help you out of the dress before you injure yourself.

I am the luckiest.

send in the clowns.

Claire: Mama, I was wondering if clowns can be mamas?
Me: Sure.
C: Okay, then I want to be a clown AND a mama when I grow up.

camping with little people.

You pack and pack and pack and inevitably forget at least a few critical things.

They're not going to sleep like they will at home. Under no circumstances should you make eye contact with them in the mornings. Pretend to sleep. What else can you do?

They will eat a bunch of junk. It's ok. It's a marshmallow. Chill out.

They're going to have the greatest time ever. Don't be so tired that you miss it. She won't always be tiny and in boots. You'll want those moments back, but they'll be gone.

1. see how long i can grow my stupid hair.

Apparently, not very long.

how to lose 10 pounds in four days.

Get whatever horrible virus that your kids had. Cough until you vomit. Repeat. Give up on taking care of your kids without a ton of help. Lounge on the couch sipping Gatorade for days. Sweat buckets. Forget about food. It is not your friend.

Last week was rough. I seriously did lose 10 pounds in four days. Sadly, once the running to the bathroom stopped, the dramatic weight loss came to a halt.

The lesson? Be grateful to be the one who gets to care for your kids. Even when it is thankless and hard. It beats daytime TV and saltines. I can honestly say there was serious joy in being the one to clean my bathroom after being on the receiving end of so much grace. I am grateful.

on suffering.

I've been sick this week. Again. This time, I have a voice. I just am spending A LOT of time in the ladies' room. It is not the ideal place to parent two small children.

Today, Claire asked why God wasn't making me better.

I've been wondering the same thing. Still, I know that this will end and that compared to true suffering, this isn't the end of the world. Yet, when you're in it, it can feel like the end of your world.

I cried when my mom got here today, with her own gloves for cleaning and her ability to comfort me in the exact right way. My kids look at me with the same awe that I have for her. They want me like I want her.

They see that I am hurting, yet they want me. They climb me, make demands, expect me to potty train. I keep on loving them the best that I can, getting better at asking for help day by day and holding out hope for the rest of July.*

*Hope is good, but trips to the doctor are good too. I have an appointment, hope to have good news to share soon.