on suffering.

I've been sick this week. Again. This time, I have a voice. I just am spending A LOT of time in the ladies' room. It is not the ideal place to parent two small children.

Today, Claire asked why God wasn't making me better.

I've been wondering the same thing. Still, I know that this will end and that compared to true suffering, this isn't the end of the world. Yet, when you're in it, it can feel like the end of your world.

I cried when my mom got here today, with her own gloves for cleaning and her ability to comfort me in the exact right way. My kids look at me with the same awe that I have for her. They want me like I want her.

They see that I am hurting, yet they want me. They climb me, make demands, expect me to potty train. I keep on loving them the best that I can, getting better at asking for help day by day and holding out hope for the rest of July.*

*Hope is good, but trips to the doctor are good too. I have an appointment, hope to have good news to share soon.