Monday, September 20, 2010

on finding her.

This photo was taken on Everett's due date by my good friend Hollie. I have spent this third pregnancy searching for the girl in this photo. I think I might have found her.

When I was pregnant with Claire, I didn't think a lot about labor. I trusted my body would be able to do what it was designed to do. I read a Bradley book. I took the hospital class. I didn't have opinions about induction or pitocin or drugs. I was told after my c-section that maybe my pelvis was odd-shaped.

Then came Everett. I knew I had to try to labor. I realized all of these old scars that I didn't know were there. I read a ton. I found supportive midwives. I did things differently, and after a long and difficult labor, he emerged from my odd-shaped pelvis.

I have come to realize that if you haven't walked into a hospital thinking that you'd have one kind of birth and left having had a surgery, you can't really know why a person would need to try. Just trust me, that for some of us, the need is real. I haven't met anyone whose birth stories have been like mine. And unless your husband had to drive you to the hospital after you'd been at a 10 and pushing for hours, then you probably can't relate to why I know I need to be in a hospital this time around.

I wish I knew why people say such dumb things to women when they're pregnant. Why we relive our horror stories. I can't hear about your botched forceps delivery. I just can't. I'm sure it's a great story. When I am holding my baby in my arms, you can tell me whatever you want. You can tell me that VBACs are risky. You can. But today, I will smile and nod but I won't be listening.


Jennipher said...

God shows us what to do when we need to do it...the only way to prepare for that is to know His voice:) Love what you shared...I feel the same way about a lot of things too:)

Anonymous said...

SO well said! I feel the same way, I hate when people ask because mine are so crazy and it never ended with holding a baby. I don't want to scare anyone. The way we birth is so unique to us, and the way God created us. And He will give us what He knows we can handle! If that dang Eve wouldn't have sinned, lol! :0)

Alida said...

This is one of those things like raising little ones that no one person's experience is like another.

Take heart, I had a stranger tell me in an elevator not to let Luke suck on my finger because someday he was going to go to kindergarten and unless I was planning on cutting off my finger to give it to him, I should stop immediately.

What an idiot...and he never did go to kinder:)

Eric and Kristine said...

So proud of you! I have a weird pelvis too and after pushing for a while had to get a c-section as well. You do what's best for your fam :)