But the Lord's gentle whispers grew louder and louder and we simply had to obey. No matter the cost. And after that last hard Sunday there was sweet relief knowing we were going where He wanted, even if we didn't know where we would end up.
Still, months later, my kids ask to go back. Arms wrapped around each other at night we ask if this was real. Did we really have to go? And we walk into this new place each week feeling like we don't quite belong, yet we head out of that place each week rejoicing because the Lord is a gentleman and He confirms that He is in this (week after week, He confirms, He's that much of a gentleman). And I am still homesick for that place sometimes. I long for the comfort of old roles and friends that have know me since forever.
Last week, I downloaded a song and played it on repeat all day. It became my prayer that day. I played it on my phone while I ran. I played it in the car and sang it to my kids. Imagine my surprise when the singer of this song stood in front of the congregation of my new church that still doesn't feel like my church. At this point, it sort of felt like God was showing off. But I get it. He is in this hard move. And I'll hold on to what I know is true. This is what he sang:
Yes I will riseOut of these ashes rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise
Cause He Who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be
And I will rise
-from Shawn McDonald's Rise.